21 Habits of a great Dictator

Yes! You get it right. You must have heard little kids saying that they want to be engineer, doctor, spider-man or Cinderella [One of my friend Raju (I am not changing name here, I fear no mortal) really wanted to be Cinderella, yuck, how much gay is that?] but since childhood I've always wanted to be a Dictator. All world waiting for my command to do anything from preparing Maggi Noodles to wash socks (I hate washing smelly socks!). Muhahah How cool is that?

Becoming a Dictator is not easy I tell'ya. Its a path only few can walk (don't think of driving - thats not an option). So if you want to know how Born Dictator's are different, read on. My Secret : 21 Habits a aspiring Dictator should follow :=

1.) If you are in school/college, don't ever submit your school fees. Never return library books. Since you are going to rule world one day nothing wrong in taking what's yours.

2.) Always go Late in School / College / Work. If your boss says something tell him to 'shut the ~censored~ up'.

3.) Don't pay your taxes. Save money to build an Army.

4.) Read every comics, watch every action movie. Concentrate on Villain (You can watch that sexy actress later). Learn from his mistakes (Like don't get bald like Lex Luther or Mogambo).

5.) Make a Student/ Workers union where-ever you go. Declare yourself leader. Blackmail College/ Company to give you Lots of Money/3X sellary. Invest 2/3 of it in bio-chemical weapon research.

6.) Have a headquarter. Its cool to have one.( I hate when my mum calls it toilet though).

6.5) Use that headquarter regularly. Don't let anybody in that! Somebody can plant bugs to spy on you. (I suspect that lizard on wall in my headquarter is an ultra-mechenical device, US of A is spying on me. They fear me. Muhahaaha)

7.) Always vote for biggesr looser n duchebag in election. A weak government is your lucky chance.

8.) Always wear a Winter Jacket (even in Summers.). It looks cool! (err hot?).

9.) Kill anyone who 'apposes' you and hang their mangled bodies in front of roads to make examples of them (Do this to every Micheal Scofield like character).

10.) Buy a piece of land atleast 1 mile radius and declare it your country.

11.) Make a flag for your country. Also write a senseless constitution of your country preferably in binary. Hire a lawyer if neccessary. Name your country something weirdish. I will name my country : Quizzat de Fellowship of Urbanized Countries and Kolonies ( Q-F.U.C.K.).

12.) E-Mail every country's foreign department a copy your constitution and illegal documents and ask for comments! Keep Spamming!

14.) Trust no one, not even yourself. If you even licking an ice-cream make someone lick it first, wait 10 minutes then have it for yourself (A dictator must make sacrifices like this).

15.) Publish fake stories in newspaper (bribe them) that how you alone took-down the mob. Gain public's trust.

16.) Invent a scary nickname and Title for yourself. Like I have : Quiz_Master the Exterminator.

17.) Present yourself as a copy the previous dictator in every way such as dress like Hitler, talk like Napoleon This
way, people won't notice you are in charge until it is too late. This
also makes all your opponents traitors, meaning you can kill them in
public (much more stylish). Though avoid killing if possible, just leave them in a deserted island, if Lost (teh TV Series) has taught us anything it's that people trapped on an island won't get off even if given 3 seasons.

18.) Become friends with rich brats (especially if they find you
entertaining, they won't pay any attention to your requests and will
comply without question) .

19.) Practice the are of giving speeches. Talk everything people can't understand. Pay few bafoons to clap from time to time. When they will clap everyone will follow. In speeches mock everyone you can think of.  Make funny faces, show card tricks, jump around naked (works great!) and wear a The Joker (The Dark Knight) mask. Mispronounce most of the words. I suggest give speech with your mouth full of bread.

20.) Have a religious agenda. Whenever someone opposes you counter him saying what he think is against religion (whatever religion, it doesn't matter).

21.) Write a post like this, or better forward this to everybody you know. You always need helping hands. :D

Follow these and become a dictator. May the Dark Force be with you.